Dear Del,

I LOVE my fiance, but we’re lacking in the bedroom area because i’m attracted to every other women out there, but love her to death and she is attractive too. Is it because i’m used to her or is there a way to fix this? How do I get the lust and attraction back?

Dear Mike,

You don’t say how old you are but it sounds like your fairly young.  If you have been going with your fiance for a long while, it is natural for the lust and attraction to lessen,  unless you do things to keep it exciting such as different positions, different places to make love, fantasy parts to play, etc.  You can also teach her things that would turn you on more.  Being attracted to every other woman out there makes me think you are not only young but maybe immature and  overly sexual or maybe you haven’t sowed enough wild oats to settle down at this time.  Maybe you need to experience more women before you tie the knot.  Let me now what happens and if my advice helped.

Sincerely,

Del

Dear Del,

I not happy with the level of kink in my marriage and I have opted to go outside for a change. BEFORE you give advice that encompasses how awful I am to have an affair, my hubby and I have been through countless counseling and he himself has said if I want something he can’t off I should find a playmate as long as I don’t put it in his face!
So here IS my dilemma, I have been seeing this one guy exclusively for 7 years who really is a perfect match as a lover in many ways, but is sadly only perfect in other ways in discussion only. His lack of availability appears to be a true indifference to finding playtime, that factor has ended this affair several times (and yes I did go elsewhere when it ended) with promises from him that he realized he was not being committed and that things would change, but they never really did change for any more than a month or so at the very best. Even with my ENDLESS pleas for more time and to partake in activities that are a big turn on for me, nothing changed. From day one I told him I love and get totally turned on by PDA (public displays of Affection) and I have given him countless dates to join me in that activity, to date after 7 years it happened only once.
About a month ago while sitting alone AGAIN in an empty hotel room (I travel a lot and to date I have invited him to come to my hotel….hummm dunno maybe 40-50 times, he has joined me twice) and to be honest I got REALLY pissed off that I was being exclusive to a guy that did not seem to give a shit about finding time to entertain the entire purpose of having an affair, to have sex and to explore my freaking kinks!!! So I called in an old playmate for the evening who of course jumped all over that chance. I am a very honest women and so after seeing the old lover I did told the lover I had been with someone else. Yeah of course he got pissed off but he demanded from day one that with NO PENALTY I should always tell him of my actions whether he would like it or not. NO PENALTY MY ASS, he declared that we are done. Not only are we done, he takes any and every chance to tell me that I was not committed to the relationship and it’s exclusivity and my actions ended it all. I was freaking exclusive this entire time and that did JACK shit to change the outcome of him being available for PDA. He tells me “if you took the time to get to know me” oh my god I want to shoot myself, how much more time does he want!!! He is not my husband he is “supposed” to my lover and my escape!!
Was I nuts for even sticking it out this long? We became friends in a way and I hate to give that part up but come on now!!! In his defense he says he understand why I did what I did in one breath but then turns right back around to tell me I have no impulse control or commitment and that I RUINED everything by MY impatience!!!

Lemme hear it!!

Dear Lola,

First of all, I don’t appreciate your vulgar language.  Having said that, it seems to me that you don’t want the same things and instead of struggling with him to do what you want, you should do what he wants and see if that improves things.  If he says that you don’t want to take the time to know him, he may feel that you only want sex from him.   I think you and he are too different to have a successful relationship.

Sincerely,

Del

Dear Del,

How can i open up to my signifigant other more freely? I generally keep things inside. How do i open up and express what i’m feeling and thinking?

Dear David,

It’s not easy for anyone who usually keeps things inside to open up but you can if you really make a strong effort to do so but you have to be secure in the other person’s feelings for you before you do it.  Most women welcome their man to express his feelings and a lot of relationships fail because men do not do so.  I think that a lot of men don’t do so because they fear rejection but I say be brave because people who risk nothing usually get nothing.  Good Luck and let me know if my advice helps.

Sincerely,

Del

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Dear Del,

Recently my girlfriend broke up with me after a year relationship. The relationship seem to be going great with a break up about a month ago. I was very hurt with this and decide to join online dating site that we both before because I was hurt. After a week of being broken up we got back together but I decide to stay on the dating site but didn’t date or talk to anyone except by email and that was to inform them I was dating someone and wanted to see where it went. I’m totally in love with her. But now she will not talk to me answer the phone, text , or talk in person. We had talk about getting married and spend the rest of our lifes together. Just 3 weeks ago she said we were perfect together. I don’t understand what to do and don’t want to let her go. What should I do?

Dear Matthew,

You don’t say why she won’t talk with you but I’ll assume she found out you were still on the dating site.  Just tell her how you feel and you only went back on the site because she broke up with you, and a person has the right to try and find someone else if he gets dumped.  She sounds unreasonable.

Sincerely,

Del

Dear Del,

I need to find out if I am overreacting. My boyfriend of 10 yrs, (we have lived together for about 9, not worried about marriage) has a woman friend at work that I think has crossed the line as far as becoming too involved in each other’s personal life, he is the vp of company she is receptionist, she 31 he 49, they seem to talk about things that to me don’t seem appropriate for office friendship (he says are you telling me I can’t have female friends, so this makes me think I’m the one with the problem)like, how his pants fit his butt, what type of clothes and shoes he should be wearing, then the other day in his brief case I found a piece of paper done on a computer, saying “you have completed the backhair removal course” something to that effect, it had his name and she signed as “instructor”. I think these things are more than friendship and I need your advice as to whether you agree and if so, how can I make him understand this and how it is hurting me, we talked and I cried about this for hours the other day, but nothing was accomplished. Please help!

Dear Vicki,

I agree with you that it looks like more than friendship is going on here but maybe it’s just a flirtation.  Men cannot be stopped from straying, especially after 10 years.  Maybe the note in his briefcase was from a backhair removal instructor and maybe it wasn’t.  If he still loves you and you can talk with him you should ask him if he is going to a backhair removal place.  Also you should tell him that you don’t think it is appropriate for his “friend” in the office to speak to him so personally.  I wonder why he even tells you the things she says.  The only way to resolve this is to have a very frank talk with him, even tho you may not like what you hear and if he doesn’t change to your likeing you have two options:  leave or stay.  Good Luck.

Sincerely,

Del