Archive for October, 2009

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What a Jerk!

Saturday, October 31st, 2009

Dear Del,

ok my boyfriend and i have been together for 6 months now he has three kids i have none the youngest child is one and lives with us we are going thru a huge custody battle with his ex nothing has actually been to the courts yet just fighting between each other, i quit my job 3 months ago now because i had to stay home to watch his daughter, now he constantly complains that he is the only one working but when i go to find a job he cant find a reliable babysitter so i can actually go to work, i have no time for myself, even when he is home he doesnt help with the baby and we fight over this all the time!! also he tears up our house, punches holes in the walls, throws chairs into things, pretty much just destroys our house which we rent so we have to fix it and soon!! and anytime i ask for just a few minutes by myself its a huge fight he says i dont need a break from him because he is my boyfriend and anytime i try to hang out with friends without him it is a huge fight usually i dont even go because of how bad the fight gets he does not trust me at all yet all i do is sit at home clean and take care of his daughter, sometimes i just get so sick of everyone i just want my own time but he doesnt understand that and i feel bad for feeling so sick of everyone but i do i just feel smothered! i love this man with all my heart and i would not know what to do without him, i do not want to leave him i just want everything to stop!! i want to get along please help me how do i get him to understand my feeling and how do i understand his? i want us to be able to communixate and get along!

Dear Shelbi,

You must have no self-esteem to stay with such a jerk.  How can you love such a man???  Leave him immediately and get into therapy; then you’ll know what to do without him - celebrate and be well enough to care for someone who is good to you.  You deserve better!

Sincerely,

Del

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Removed Your Pic But Not His

Saturday, October 31st, 2009
Dear Del,
I am a 31 yr. old male. My girlfriend is 45 yrs. old. We have been seeing each other for about 8 months. We began living together 2 months ago. She is the greatest woman I have ever been with in my life. However, since we have been living together I keep getting this vibe that she lusts for other guys. Perhaps I am paranoid, but if so explain this. She has told me that I am the most attractive guy that she has ever dated and the nicest. With that in mind, a few months ago she got upset with me and deleted all her pictures of me from her camara phone. We made up and everything was great. But last night when she took me out to dinner for my birthday, she pulled out her phone and took a picture of me, which I wanted to see. As I began looking through her pictures I came across one of her last boyfriend. Now she alleges that I am the greatest, but when she had gotten herself all in a tissy she deleted my photos. Now she alledgedly regards her last boyfriend as a looser, a lier, and a zero. But why would she still have his picture on her phone…and in her computer photo album, and on hard copy? I know that I may be assuming alot of stuff, but if you do the math it doesn’t add up. What do you think?
Dear Stephen,
Well, first of all what did she get so upset about to remove your pictures?  And why she didn’t remove the other guy’s pics is unknown unless you ask her.  Maybe she wasn’t as upset about him as she was about you or maybe she still has feelings for him even tho she said he was a loser.  Don’t try to figure out women; it’s a losing cause.  Some women will tell more than one guy that he is the greatest and just because she tells you that doesn’t mean she won’t desire other men, unless of course she is madly in love with you.  Some women are like men and they like lots of lovers unless they are really in love (if women like that can ever be in love).  In order to try and understand her the best way is to talk honestly and ask her these questions, but there is no guarantee that she will be honest as most women (and people in general) will do and say what is in their best interests at the time.  Good Luck and let me know what happens.
Sincerely,
Del

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Former Lovers

Thursday, October 29th, 2009

Dear Del,

The question have for you is; how do you ask your gf who she has been with. How do you ask her if she has been with a certain person too. Will she tell the tuth.

You just ask!  And how am I supposed to know if she will tell the truth???  Neither partner in a relationship should ask the other who they have been with.  Ignorance is bliss and what happened in her past is her business.

Sincerely,

Del

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Not Attracted to Boyfriend

Saturday, October 24th, 2009

Dear Del,

I have a problem with my boyfriend. We have been going out for about a year, but we are both very shy, and have only kissed each other a few times. Three times before, he’s tried to kiss me and I told him I ‘didn’t feel like it,’ and he recently got mad at me and told me how much that upset him. Now I feel bad, and I apologized, because when he tries to kiss me, I want to, but I pull away without thinking. Now he won’t talk to me. Is there anything I can do? I don’t want something to happen to our relationship.

Dear Amy,

If you really like your boyfriend and are physically attracted to him, it is natural to have the desire to kiss and show affection to each other; that is what a boy/girl, man/woman relationship is about (as well as other things of course).  This applies even for the shyest of people.  Maybe you are not attracted to him in “that” way.  Maybe you should only be friends (if he agrees).  You don’t say how old you both are.  Maybe you are attracted to women or maybe you are afraid of intimacy or losing your virginity.  If the latter is true then you have to talk this over with him or someone you trust with your most personal thoughts. 

Sincerely,

Del

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Will “Swinging” Help?

Wednesday, October 21st, 2009

Dear Del,

Im in love with a man who has to have many lovers … he has proven his love for me but continues to have affairs how do i convince him that i can be all he needs

Dear Miriam,

There is really no way to convince him unless he tells you a way.  You cannot change a person’s nature unless he wants to change.  If you cannot accept him the way he is then you must leave him.  Even if you threaten to leave unless he promises to change, he probably won’t and will have his other lovers in secret.  Obviously this man needs other lovers because he is either insecure in his manhood or will always want variety, or both.  Maybe you should consider a “swinging” lifestyle which would enable both of you to have other lovers but in an open relationship.  Many couples select this lifestyle but you cannot if either of you would be jealous when you are with other lovers.

Sincerely,

Del

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Erratic Behavior

Wednesday, October 21st, 2009
Dear Del,
Hi I had a sexual relationship with a guy for about 3 months last year we never spoke about himself or family etc and in january of this year I saw him once but not for sex he went out got drunk could not drive home so I let him stay at my home whiles I was at work, after this I never heard from him for a while if i text him he never answer or sometimes he will answer but a few days later or late at night to ask if I want to come to his place which I always reply no and he will stop talking to me for a while then try again off late he is very nice to me and we have been texting each other back and forth, Saturday I went to see him after 9 months of not seeing each other and he was very nice and open up to me about what is going on in his life , he’s buying a home and talk to me about it along with stuff about his ex girlfriend in collage who broke his heart and why he move to the city he lives in now his family tree and what he looking for when he wants to have kids etc. What I want to know is this is he trying to be nice or why has he open up to me after so long of not responding to my text or telephone calls ? he also told me that sometimes I act crazy and nasty to him and that is why he never respond. Should I give this guy a chance in my life or just close that page
Dear Nichol,
Well, apparently he was so hurt about his ex-girlfriend that his behavior was erratic with you.  Now that some time has passed he has opened up to you because he is interested so I say yes, give him a chance and see what happens.  Nothing ventured, nothing gained!
Sincerely,
Del

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Who Does He Love??

Wednesday, October 21st, 2009

Dear Del,

I’m not 100 percent innocent, I once kissed a guy at a wedding after a horrible fight with my husband and way too much wine. But my husband and I worked past that and everything’s been great. Until recently. A few months ago I found a few messages between him and some female friends with conversations about the possibility of him cheating on me. I confronted him and he said he said those things to make himself feel better and that they were only words he would never act on. Again we worked paast it and I let it go. Two days ago he wanted me to look at a message on his phone and I accidentally clicked on the wrong one. It was a message to his ex ( the 3 of us went to middle school together). In the message he said he loved her, called her his 8th grad sweetheart, and said he wished he was still with her. I got the same reason as before. It has torn me apart. Do I have any right to be upset? Isnt what he’s doing just as wrong? Should I be worried about my marriage?

Dear Nadila,

Yes, you absolutely have a right to be upset and what he is doing and saying is ridiculous and yes you should be worried about your marriage.  It looks like he wants you to find those messages.  I know it’s easier said than done but you should get rid of him because he has problems and doesn’t know what he wants.  Confront him and tell him that his reasons are not acceptable and unless he stops this behavior you will file for divorce!

Sincerely,

Del

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Doesn’t Communicate

Wednesday, October 21st, 2009

Dear Del,

I have been in a relationship with an older man (Yes, I’m Gay)for six months now.I have tryed to help him get through his divorce from is wife. I have got us food when we had none. I have done everything i can to make this relationship work but he has only shut me out and wont tell me whats on his mind. How is Feeling. I dont know what to do. I also have A feeling that he may be cheating on me.or atleast has the dezire to be with someone else. What would you do. I want to stick it out but I can only take so much mental strain.I love him but….What would your advice be

Dear Michael,

If he won’t tell you what’s on his mind or how he feels then there’s nothing you can do except get rid of him!  He’s probably just using you.  Move on.

Sincerely,

Del

 

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Liars and Cheaters

Friday, October 16th, 2009

Dear Del,

Ive been with my spouse for 12 years now, and every year it seems like theres always some problem with other women. Ive become somewhat accustom to the heart break. My man is a chronic liar, just today i found out that he’s been calling and whatever else he’s doing a co-worker of ours.He lies about calling her even when i provide physical proof of it. This has been going on for @ 6 monmths already. Last year he brought home a std, and blamed it on me,even after i went and got tested the next day and i had negative test results. Im perfect, but I am faithful, Im 46 and he’s 57. I do love him very much, is there any hope for us can i ever trust him again? or do I need to let go? I never mentioned any of the situations with his ex wife, or all the others for that matters ……please help me

 

Dear Jane,

How in the world can you still love this man??  You must have very low self esteem to stay with a man like him who obviously treats you like dirt!  Get rid of him and get into therapy to find out why you love a man like him and once you find out you will never let a man like that into your life.  You deserve more.

Sincerely,

Del

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Perfect Boyfriend?

Thursday, October 15th, 2009

Dear Del,

i have the Perfect boyfriend , he really is but i still feel as if somethings wrong , why Can’t I love him & care for him as much as he does for me , i really do have Strong feelings for him & he’s my first long time boyfriend cause I usually get tired Of guys . i was wondering if yu Could help me & give me some advice ?

Dear Chakera,

Having what you think is the Perfect boyfriend is not the same as loving him.  No one can say why they love or don’t love someone.  You either do or you don’t.  You will know when you love someone and he won’t necessarily be perfect but you’ll love him anyway.  No one is perfect. 

Sincerely,

Del 

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