Dear Del,

My husband use to go to strip clubs alot and watch porn. Now he is not attracted to me and doesn’t even hug or kiss me and told me he would show me more attention if I would get larger breasts. I am heartbroken and hurt and terribly miss having someone show me affection. What do I do?

Dear Lore,

Your husband is a shallow insensitive jerk and you should leave him and find someone who will love you just as you are.  I hope you do.

Sincerely,

Del

Dear Del,

I have fallen in love with a man that I keep giving to,money etc..and he will not live with me and he says that he wants me now after one year of getting to know each other.He use to call all the time and now only a few times a week and he keeps saying that he will visit me and dosn’t,he says that he needs to get his life in order now,work new place to live etc..so I’m last and I always put him first and I tell him this and now he says I call too much,and he ignores my calls but he will contact when he wants to he called today but for a short time.I am 47 and he is a few yrs younger.I can not believe this is happening to me.What is your advice?can I get him back?or I guess I should forget about him,but I can’t since I have never loved anyone this much.Thankyou,Heidi

Dear Heidi,

First of all, stop giving him money!! Stop calling him so much.  Obviously he doesn’t care for you as much as you care for him.  If you want him back you must stop needing so much.  I hate to say it but maybe he just wanted you for the money you gave him and now he is backing off.  Just leave him alone for a while, say a month,  and see if he calls you.  Be independent and a bit hard to get.  Men love independent women, not needy ones.  If he doesn’t come back you must move on!  Believe me, time heals all wounds.

Sincerely,

Del

Dear Del,

I went on a first date with a guy on Tuesday. He seemed way more into me than I was in him. I told him I wait at least 4 months before kissing ANYONE. And he was so shocked. He told me up front he couldn’t wait 4 months, but he respected that. On the other hand, he insisted talking about kissing me. I could tell he would be the type to keep trying. Aside from that, he also mentioned to me that after meeting me, he would never forget to return a phone call or forget to return a text message. He barely talked to me the day after, but he did invite me over again around 10pm. He did not text me today at all (two days after the date) and so I texted him first. He replied with “Hey u!!!!” and never responded to my “How are you?” He told me he couldn’t date a girl who played games. I’m glad he can’t date himself either. What happened here? On Tuesday he was so sweet and a gentleman.

Dear Cynthia,

I’m shocked too as in these days I never heard of any girl/woman telling a man that she waited 4 months before kissing anyone!  Maybe you said that because you weren’t that into him.  You shouldn’t have just “gone over” to his place at 10 pm.  If you don’t intend on kissing him why go to his place?  Have him take you out if he will after what you told him.  And why text him if you’re not that into him?  I don’t know what you mean when you say “I’m glad he can’t date himself”.  What happened here is what you told him on your first date.

Sincerely,

Del

Dear Del,

i have a big problem…i hav 3 guys on my hands…one of them is my baby’s father one is married and the other we started off as friends …i have feelings for all of them…my baby’s father left me when i was 5 months pregnant but ever since my son has been born he has been trying an trying to work things out…the one thats married says he loves me an is thinking of leavin his wife but im not sure but he treats me so good and i have devloped feelings for him…the other guy we have been friends for a year he is real sweet an want a relationship an everything he treats me good when we are tgether but i dont get to see him much…what should i do im so confused….

Dear Amie,

Forget the married guy.  The baby’s father doesn’t sound too good either - a man who leaves a woman when she is pregnant with his baby has no character.  Why don’t you see the third guy more often?  If it is his choice then he doesn’t care enough to see you more, unless you have told him about the other two and he doesn’t want to get involved with that, for which I don’t blame him.  I would not mention the other two to him and just express your desire to see more of him and go from there.  You need to go deep down into your feelings and find out which one you really love and which one would make the best husband and father.

Good Luck!

Del

Dear Del,

In the recent past, I have been diagnosed with depression, social anxiety disorder, and other illnesses. Whenever I have attempted to enter into a relationship with a girl, I normally have negative thoughts arise and normally the relationship ends. I have been alone for most of my life. I recently met a girl that has expressed affection for me and understands about my personal issues. She is many years younger than I am, and is in college. I fear others more closer to her age may present her with offers of relationships and she may try them, perhaps due to curiosity. I know I can offer her stability, and unending caring, but alcohol and wild students offers could doom our current relationship. I fear someone near to her may get drunk and try having sex with her. I know this would devastate me, but I fear speaking with her because I do not want to push her away from me, because she may think I do not trust her. Since high school, I have tried having relationships with other girls, but I normally end up being hurt. I have lived alone for 9 years. I really do want a relationship with her (or with any other girl I may meet), but I do not know how to act or react. My experiences of dating simply do not exist. I believe I may have pushed other girls away from me, and do not want to retrace my steps and relive old failures. I avoid asking any girl out because I simply do not know how. I’m in my mid 40’s, and I do not want to die alone. Other guys my age have the skills necessary to be able to approach and date girls. How can I learn what others may already know?

Dear Eric,

Have you been in therapy for your past problems?  If not, I strongly suggest you do seek professional advice.  Your problems with connecting with women and not knowing how to act, etc., are probably because of your early years in life and your upbringing.  It looks like you have no confidence in yourself and no self esteem.  No amount of self help books will erase the scars of the past.  You are having success with your much younger girlfriend because they are more inexperienced and flexible than women your own age.  You are right in saying that you shouldn’t bring up all your fears and doubts.  If you still want to stay with her (and I don’t think you should), I would immediately start therapy.  Once you have had enough treatment to find out why you have these problems, I’m sure you’ll see that you can enjoy a relationship with a woman closer to your own age (or even older).

Sincerely,

Del

Hi Del
Hi my name is Pete I am 63 and have been seeing a lady 57 for the last two years,
Ours was a vary passionate relationship, and I do love this lady more than I realized,
We Broke up last December for three months during that time she met a gent, we then got together in march and things were great for two months and then it got a bit strained
We parted in early June, as we parted we hugged and kissed it was sad because I don’t think we both wanted to separate, I saw her two days later to return some things of hers, we talked but she was angry, said I was getting like her last husband, I was financially insecure I had nothing, I had spent money on things I didn’t need ( do have two houses with not much equity in them and about $100 k in assets, ) I left, I had phoned her with no answer I had left messages with no answer, I sent her flowers on her birthday with no response, I visited her two weeks later she would not let me in, and said she did not want to see me, she did not want to talk, did not want me to call, there was no conversation, ( she had tears in her eyes ) I left
We had been going together for two years and this is the second break up in six months,
And really over small glitches,,
So maybe there is damage done by my actions
Is this relationship really over from her perspective or is there anything I can do, is it really that final, ( its hard to accept )
Can you advise ,enlighten me as to my position now, is there other avenues or do I just bury it,
I know she loves me but she is angry at me and shutting off is her way of handling it,

I appreciat your input Pete

Dear Pete,

First of all, you didn’t say why things got strained.  You broke up, she met someone else, then you got together again in March.  Maybe she at first liked the other man, but then she came back to you so it seems she can’t make up her mind between you and him.  You say she got angry because you were like her past husband.  How could she say you were financially insecure with two houses and 100k in the bank???  If after two years she can’t even talk things over with you or tell you exactly what actions bother her, she isn’t a nice person in my book.  At least she owes you the courtesy of an explanation.  But, if after all you did, she was still so adament about not seeing you again, I guess you have no alternative but to accept what she wants.  You don’t mention what actions might have turned her off so I can’t comment on that.  What I would advise you to do is give her some time to cool down and then call again or write and plead with her, if you can, to give you another chance and that you will try very hard to do what makes her happy.  But remember, you have to be happy too and a woman who has trouble communicating her feelings could cause you more heartache in the future.  Good Luck and let me know what happens.  I care.

Sincerely,

Del

Del