Archive for April, 2009

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Proper Etiquette

Wednesday, April 29th, 2009

Dear Del,

I’ve read and heard so many different things lately, I have no idea - what is proper etiquette when it comes to a woman?  Do I pay for the meal, or do we split?  Do I order for her?  Do I open the car door?  I feel like some women like the old fashioned ways of the man doing everything, and some like to be independent.  How do I know what to do?

Thanks,
Jake

Dear Jake,

You didn’t mention your age or the ages of women you are dating but usually an older woman will expect you to pay for the meal, open the car door and also sometimes order for her (after she tells you what she wants).  Some women of any age may just address the waiter and tell him.  It depends on the woman and her level of independence.   You kinda have to be able to tell what kind of a woman you are out with.  If you are totally clueless about women just go with the flow and you’ll soon find out.  Just be charming and polite and complimentary and it will all fall into place.  Don’t fret about it or it will ruin your behavior.  If it is a platonic relationship then of course split the bill unless a friend is taking you out and tells you it’s her treat.

Sincerely,

Del

Posted in Encounters | No Comments »

Nothing Serious

Wednesday, April 29th, 2009
Dear Del,

I just got out of a long term relationship, so I’m not looking for anything serious.  I’ve been hooking up with this guy from work for about 3 weeks.  He’s a really nice guy, and the sex is great, but he’s getting too attached.  How do I let him know that I’m really just looking for a fun fling? 

Jessica

Dear Jessica,

Just let him know in a nice way but don’t use the words “fun fling”.  Tell him you are not ready for a serious relationship because you just got out of one.  Let him know how much you like him and the great sex but you cannot commit to just seeing one person at this time.  If he does not accept that  I would let him go rather than lead him on for your own sexual pleasure.  There are a lot of guys out there who would be very happy to have a fun fling with you!

Sincerely,

Del

 

Posted in Stay for the Sex Only? | No Comments »

Why only one woman?

Wednesday, April 29th, 2009
Dear Del,
 
I’m 35 years old and single.  I love being a bachelor, and date quite a bit.  But I have no desire to settle down.  Everyone tells me I’m crazy.  Is there anything wrong with wanting to enjoy life to the fullest, and not be locked down to one woman the rest of my life? 
Jim
 
Dear Jim,

Not everyone wants to settle down, whether to live with someone or get married and have children.  Do what your heart says and be true to yourself.  You are still young.  You may think and feel differently as the years go by or meet someone that changes your mindset.  People don’t usually want to settle down until they meet someone who fulfills all or almost all of their desires and expectations.  Some think that living life “to the fullest” includes loving someone and being loved and having a family.  Being the human beings we are it is difficult to be as you say, “locked down” to one woman (or man for a woman).  It is part of human nature to want to be with different sexual partners.  That is why people cheat.  But when you love someone and all is going well, it pays to control your desires for other partners to keep that loving relationship.  On the other side of the coin, there are women out there that believe in an “open” relationship and perhaps that could be for you.  You probably have never been in love and when you do fall I think you will feel differently.

Sincerely,

Del

Posted in Why Settle Down | No Comments »

Continue Support?

Wednesday, April 29th, 2009

Dear Del,

I have been with my girlfriend for close to 2 years.  She lost her job 6 months ago, so we decided to move in together to save money.  Now I completely support her, and I don’t think she’s even looking for a job.  How do I cut her off?

Jonathan

Dear Jonathan,

Well, Jonathan, in these days it can certainly take more than 6 months to find another job.  Has she been actively looking?  Does she express frustration at not finding a job more quickly?  Is your opinion of not thinking she’s even looking well founded?   You need to talk to her about all this and then decide what to do.   I certainly wouldn’t just “cut her off” as you so coldly put it.  If you have been with this person for almost 2 years, you must know something of her character.  If you still feel she is taking advantage, just tell her you can’t afford to keep supporting her.  Does she have any alternatives?

Sincerely,

Del

 

Posted in Relationships | No Comments »

Should I Move in?

Wednesday, April 29th, 2009

Dear Del,

My on-again/off-again boyfriend of a year has asked me to move in with him.  I love him, but the thought scares me.  What if things don’t work out - where would I go?  Maybe it’s what we need to bring us closer. 

Britt

Dear Britt,

Yes, love is scary and there are no guarantees.  First of all if you can afford it or have a roommate, keep your place.  If not, and it doesn’t work out, you can always get another apartment or stay with friends or relatives until you find one.  It’s not a bad idea to live with someone before you commit to a lifetime with them (or until a divorce if all else fails).  You really don’t know someone til you live with them; all the little things that may drive you to drink!  Does he really love you?  Is he easy to get along with?  Is he neat or messy?  Try to evaluate all you know about him and his habits and see if you can live with those habits.  He may be great in bed, have a great sense of humor, be gorgeous and intelligent, but be hell to live with and the only way to find out is to do just that!  Let me know what happens.

Sincerely,

Del

Posted in Relationships | No Comments »

Keys to a Successful Marriage

Wednesday, April 29th, 2009

Dear Del,

What are the keys to a successful marriage?  I am a newly-wed, and want to make sure that I keep my wife happy!

Thanks,
Brian

Dear Brian,

Wow, what a huge question!  It would probably take writing a book to answer it completely but I’ll give you a few guidelines and hope they’ll help:

1.  Compromise is probably the most important word to keep the peace.  2.  Try never to go to bed angry.  3.  Always compliment your wife every day.  3.  Pay attention to little details that may seem small to you but are important to her. 4. Make love often and always let her know how desirable she is.  5.  Give her bubble baths and massages and take her out often if you can afford to.  6.  Cook her a meal once in a while and make it special with music and candlelight.  7.  Other obvious things would be to be faithful, thoughtful and considerate.  8.  Always remember that to truly love someone you have to consider them as much as, if not more, than you consider yourself!

Sincerely,

Del 

Posted in Relationships | No Comments »

Dating after loss

Monday, April 27th, 2009
Dear Del,
 
My husband of 32 years passed away four years ago.  The thought of dating since then, has never even crossed my mind, until lately.  There is a very nice gentleman that works at my local bank, and he makes sure to approach me everytime I go in.  I have been out of the “game” for so long, I have no idea what to do.  Do I wait for him to broach the subject?  Please help!
 
Susan
 
Dear Susan,

First of all, my sincere condolences.  Being a widow myself I completely understand.  Now to your question.  He may just be doing what his duty is at the bank.  You didn’t mention what his job is there.  Does he approach anyone else that way?  What does he say when he approaches you?  In any case I would exchange some simple pleasantries with him, be open and somewhat animated; perhaps tell him how nice he is to approach you each time you come in, and see if that encourages him to say more.

Good Luck and let me know what happens.  I care.

Sincerely,

Del

Posted in Encounters | No Comments »

Am I just insecure?

Monday, April 27th, 2009
Dear Del,
 
My girlfriend of 4 months has never given me any reason to not trust her - but I can’t help but worry about what she is doing and who she is with everytime we’re not together.  Is this normal?
Adam
 
Dear Adam,
 
It is really not possible to say what is normal or not, depending on the individual and/or the circumstances.  Having said that however, it would seem that you are insecure about her feelings for you.  If you feel you can discuss your worries with her, do so and see what she says and how she says it.  If she convinces you that your worries/fears are unfounded, then you need to look inside yourself and try to figure out where your insecurities come from.  Usually insecurities go back to very early stages in ones life starting with their parents.  If you think this may be it in your case and if it is being a real problem in your life, I would suggest that you seek out professional counseling.

Good Luck and let me know what happens.  I care.

Sincerely,

Del

Posted in Jealousy | No Comments »

The sex is boring!

Tuesday, April 14th, 2009

Dear Del,

I have been dating a girl for about a month now.  We have such a great time together, we love to do all the same things…there’s just one problem.  The sex is so boring!  I thought it was going to be amazing, but the first time was really bad.  I figured it would get better, but it hasn’t at all.  I’ve tried to mix things up and try a few new positions, but she’s not really into it.  I don’t think I can go on if it stays like this.  How can I get her to open up a bit?

Mike

Dear Mike,

A month is not very long to get to know any woman!  It takes time and patience to bring out her intimacy.  She may be shy or not very experienced.  You didn’t mention her age.  I would suggest that you find a good time to talk with her about how she feels about lovemaking in general and how she feels about lovemaking with you.  Tell her she can be honest if she has any objections to what you do in bed and be prepared to hear those objections, if any.  Maybe something in her background or past experiences have affected her in a bad way.  Be romantic and convince her that all you want to do is to understand her and make her happy.  Good luck and let me know how it goes.

Sincerely,

Del

Posted in Sex and Sexuality | No Comments »

I’m in love with a married man

Tuesday, April 14th, 2009

Dear Del,

I am currently single, but think I have fallen for my boss…who happens to be married.  We flirt everyday at work, and I really think he wants to take it further.  The one time we talked about it, he said that he was unhappy in his marriage - but he was also drunk, so I’m not sure what his real motives were for saying that.  I know this isn’t right, but I feel a real connection.  Should I see where it goes, or get out now?

Mary

Dear Mary,

To put it bluntly, GET OUT NOW!  He’s just looking for some extra curricular activity.  Forget the connection; it never pays to get involved with a married man.  Remember there are lots of fish in the sea and there must be another one out there that you will feel a “connection” with.

Sincerely,

Del

Posted in Is This Love? | No Comments »

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