Dear Del,

8 years ago, I met a woman who just knocked me out. She was everything that I liked and admired. At the time, we were both married and worked in the same company so I never pursued any sort of relationship. We were very flirty with each other but I kept it as professional as possible. Since then, we have both left the company and she is now divorced (I am not). After several years of no communication, we recently got together for lunch. One thing led to another and we ended up having INCENDIARY sex, better than anything I (and she according to her) have ever experienced. I realize that I have been in love with her for the past 8 years and cannot stop thinking of her. I have never cheated before and I have been married a lot of years. My problem is this: I am beginning to hate myself. The only way I can see this woman is to lie and I am not built that way. I also have young children so divorce would be horrible on them as well as financial suicide for me. Should I just stop this relationship before it goes out of control and risk losing this person? I cannot see any future for me without her in my life.

Thanks

Tony

Dear Tony,

Wow, you really are between a rock and a hard place!  Remember one thing:  Incendiary sex is not love.  You really hardly know this woman or her character, traits, or all the aspects of her personality, beliefs, etc.  You sound like a man of maturity and character, not wanting to hurt your wife and children and not wanting to sneak around and lie.  Therefore, I advise you to stay with your family and try to forget this woman.  Being married for many years tends to lose the excitement while being with a new woman that is exciting in bed tends to mke men think they are in love but real love requires time and really getting to know the person.  Even then, after being with anyone for a number of years the excitement of newness will decrease to a certain extent and you may be in the same boat with a new wife.  Love is what remains after the initial passion decreases.  Also if you divorce, you’ll be broke and that is no way to start a new life.  Also ask her if she wants you to leave your wife and tell her you will be financially bad off and see what she says.  If she has the character that you have I don’t think she would want you to leave young children.  Whatever you do, DO NOT get into a sordid cheating affair.

Please let me know what happens.  I care.

Sincerely,

Del

Dear Del,

how do you knowwhen it’s love and how can you tell when infatuaion ends and love begins

Dear Kathy,

Well, that’s a really big question!  I believe that one of the best definitions of love I have ever heard is “When you love the person and think of them as much as you love yourself”.  Infactuation is usually physical and can last a long time, but when the physical cools down and you’re still together because of all the other traits in each other that you care for, it is probably love.  Remember, love lasts, infatuation does not (by definition).  Even love often doesn’t last. Look at all the divorce statistics.

Sincerely,

Del

Dear Del,

I am currently single, but think I have fallen for my boss…who happens to be married.  We flirt everyday at work, and I really think he wants to take it further.  The one time we talked about it, he said that he was unhappy in his marriage - but he was also drunk, so I’m not sure what his real motives were for saying that.  I know this isn’t right, but I feel a real connection.  Should I see where it goes, or get out now?

Mary

Dear Mary,

To put it bluntly, GET OUT NOW!  He’s just looking for some extra curricular activity.  Forget the connection; it never pays to get involved with a married man.  Remember there are lots of fish in the sea and there must be another one out there that you will feel a “connection” with.

Sincerely,

Del