Dear Del,

I am a lesbian and have been with my girlfriend for about 9 months. She is my first girlfriend and the first girl I have ever been in love with. She moved in with me after we had been together only a few weeks because she was in a bad living situation and I felt I needed to save her. Our main problem is that I am not really attracted to her sexually because she is pretty overweight. Does this mean I’m shallow? I love her, and if we broke up she would have no where to go, and I’m afraid she might hurt herself. I really don’t want to be alone again either. Is there some way for me to fix this? What should I do?

Dear Tara,

No, you are not shallow - even if you love her, being fat is not attractive; therefore it is normal not to want to make love to someone who doesn’t look good.  Honesty is always the best policy so tell her you love her and want her to stay but tell her (tactfully) that you are not attracted to her sexually because of her weight.  Yes, it will hurt her but if she has any intelligence at all, she will understand.  If she doesn’t then you have a further problem but I would not stay with someone who doesn’t understand.  Your alternative is to stay and make love even tho you don’t want to and that will eventually cause you to resent her.  You guys need to talk!

Sincerely,

Del

Dear Del,

I have been in a relationship with an older man (Yes, I’m Gay)for six months now.I have tryed to help him get through his divorce from is wife. I have got us food when we had none. I have done everything i can to make this relationship work but he has only shut me out and wont tell me whats on his mind. How is Feeling. I dont know what to do. I also have A feeling that he may be cheating on me.or atleast has the dezire to be with someone else. What would you do. I want to stick it out but I can only take so much mental strain.I love him but….What would your advice be

Dear Michael,

If he won’t tell you what’s on his mind or how he feels then there’s nothing you can do except get rid of him!  He’s probably just using you.  Move on.

Sincerely,