Dear Del,

Hi…So I have a problem that I would love some advice on…well here goes…So I met this girl about a year ago. Absolutely fell in love with her and she fell in love with me. Life was perfect. She is everything I want in another woman. So we dated for a while and after a few months we decided to live together. Things couldn’t have been better. After a few months things in my life (not her) but my job and money were always on my mind bc I wanted to take care of this girl…So I guess i started being a little distant and well long story short we “took a break” for a little…turns out I took the break as a break up and things got kinda ugly between us. I have thought about her every second of everyday since she moved out. I realized exactly what i want in life when she was gone and I was hurting so much that I messed it up…well a few months later we got in contact again…first we were emailing back and forth, then the phone, and now occasionally we see eachother. When we are in the phone she is very cold and distant and i get a strange feeling. But when we see eachother in person things are absolutely amazing - the passion, the effection, the chemistry - everything is there…however when we are on the phone it is like a 180 - she is so cold and distant…I just dont get it…do you think she is playing a game? I love this girl with every inch of my body and would do anything fo her but something just seems off…we were together 2 days ago we went out for dinner and hung out for a while aftr that and ad the greatest time together - she saying how she misses me and just making it seem like in the future we will be back togther - but then during the week I only get like a phone call a day for like 5 - 10 minutes and she seems so cold on the phone and also sounds condesending when she talks to me like she is doing me a favor by talking to me…She is the girl of my dreams and we started talking again which makes me so happy but should I be nervous or have my guard up? I can’t take this much l!
onger, t
he feeling I have inside - it hurts so much not to be with her like i used to…why would she say these things to me if she doesn’t mean them…is she just playing hard to get AGAIN? Im not sure if any of this made sense and I cant believe I even wrote all this…Please help if you can…I dont want this pain anymore….thank you in advance….

Dear Joe,

In your last sentence you say “is she just playing hard to get AGAIN”.  I didn’t read before that, that she was playing hard to get so I don’t understand this.  Now, having said that, your being “distant” apparently is what caused your taking a “break” from each other.  You shouldn’t have let your problems with work or anything else cause you to be distant from the woman you love.  So don’t do that again if you get back with her.  Her being cold and distant over the phone is probably a defense from you being that way.  The only thing to do is to have open communication with her, tell her your feelings and that you want to make a go of it and live together again and that you will do all in your power to not be cold or distant and discuss what is bothering you.  Ask her why she is cold, distant and condescending over the phone.  Be honest and don’t be afraid to show your feelings.  Good Luck!

Sincerely,

Del

Dear Del,

I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years we have a great relationship good sex life we get alond great, we have lived together for 3 years and we love eithothers families… My question is he says he isnt ready for marriage yet, he says he wants to someday just not now I am 24 and he is 30.. what is the problem???

Dear Mandi,

The problem, dear girl, is that he will probably NEVER be ready unless you put your foot down and tell him you ARE ready to start a family and if he isn’t maybe he’s too comfortable in the relationship as it is.  He may never be ready  to handle the responsibilities of marriage and children.  After six years you should move on if you want marriage and children or even if you just want marriage.  Often I hear about situations like yours and it’s because the man isn’t quite sure you’re the one and then when you break up they find someone new and get married.  Tell him to s___ or get off the pot!

Sincerely,

Del 

Dear Del,

I have been going with my boyfriend for a year and a half. We have both been married and divorced. I have 2 children he does not. He sold his house and moved in. When should he ask the question, will I marry him.

Dear Jody,

The word “should” should not enter into this.  This depends upon his feelings for you and his intentions for the future.  Did you discuss with him any plans before he moved in?  Obviously you allowed him to move in without any commitment of marriage.  If your goal was marriage you should have told him that before allowing him to sell his house and move in.  You must communicate your wants and needs in a relationship.  Has he indicated any plans for the future?  If he doesn’t want marriage will you still want him to live with you?  After a year and a half you guys should pretty much know what each of you wants and if you don’t you need to talk!

Sincerely,

Del