Dear Del,

I just got out of a relationship of 2 1/2 years so I was super excited when I met this guy. We went out on a couple dates and the chemistry was there. I really like him and he seems like a great guy. He came over and tonight and we ended up in my bedroom. He seemed all into it took off his clothes before I even had my shirt off. There was good foreplay and everything but I could not get him erect. I have never had this problem ever with any guys I’ve been with. I pulled out all my tricks and nothing. All these things are running through my head. It didn’t really matter to me. I am interested in more than sex. I send him a text that I had fun and was just as nervous, not really but wanted to make him feel better. Now he’s not answering the phone so I’m thinking either he’s not interested or mortified. I don’t want to be pushy and make it worse. What do I do? Do I leave him alone. Try to reassure him that it will happen when it happens. I feel bad. I don’t want to waste my time either. I figured I would give him a day to mull it over and if he doesn’t get back to me I am putting my profile back on the singles websites. What do I do?

Dear Kelly,

I think you handled it just right.  Your text saying that you were nervous too already alludes to what happened so I would not continue on that track.  You didn’t say how many dates you had before you went to bed.  If it was the first, second or third date I’m inclined to think that he may just wanted sex and was mortified when he couldn’t get it up.  This is probably the worst thing that can happen to a man.  How do you know that he isn’t answering his phone; maybe he’s just not home.  In any event if you don’t hear from him in a few days I would try to contact him again and if he doesn’t reply you are probably right that either he isn’t interested or is too embarrassed.  You are better off if the man can’t discuss the problem especially if he didn’t know you for long.  Even though you are interested in more than sex, sex is very important in a relationship at any age, particularly for men.  Just move on if you don’t hear from him.

Sincerely,

Del

Hi Del! Im 22 years old, My boyfriend is 33. Together (living) alittle over 2.5 years. We used to be XXXtreamly sexually active with tons of sponainousness that seemed more like FIREWORKS, near sparks! He’s the only man Iv ever had sex from over seventeen times in a seventeen and a half hour period. (which was followed by a major “OUCH” btw)…. Still, lately we’v goen from once a day to once every two weeks or so… Our last time was two nights ago…. befor then , two weeks ago. Iv tried more creative seducing,. talking, crying, even more creative seducing, arguing, stressed and almost leaving, staying, talking again and A WHOLE NEW KIND OF CREATIVE SEDUCING, nothing seems to light his Fire these days! He says he doesnt know why. Im sure he’s not cheating, as He doesnt have that kind of time and is around and makes it a point to call me regularlly….. i dont know what to do Del. I m upset because I didnt think that at my age Id have these types of problems, and actually not even at his! I dont understand it anymore…. he and I had a discusson just a little while ago. I suggested him going to seek medical attention, maybe something really wrong, but i dont know…. he says “yea i gotta go check it out” he has this aweful sadness almost embarressed look on his face but stillnothing seems to matter…. he doesnt even try… When I try to asssist orally he declines… Im not a bad looking girl… Im 150lbs with curves and know that many MANY men would love to have me… as he once did! wats going on and when is it enough ? and Is it wrong that Im questioning my the outcome of my future with hin because of this? Your response is appreciated!

Dear Natasha,

It sounds like he may be depressed or maybe he just had too much sex to keep it up (literally).  At his age most men are still pretty potent and it seems like you have done all the right things to improve the situation.  It’s also possible that something is physically wrong so please encourage him to go to a doctor.  Be loving and supportive but also ask him if it’s you or something you did or said that turned him off.  Be very honest with each other.  Let me know how it goes.  I care.

Sincerely,

Del

Dear Del,

it is hard for me to have an orgasm during sex i can masturbate myself to one but not with my boyfriend. how can i ? how can i relax ?

Dear Lashaun,

You have to discuss this with him - tell him how you do it to yourself.  It’s hard to discuss these intimate things but you must if you want to improve your sex life.  Men’s egos, especially when it comes to sex, are very fragile so be very gentle and tell him it is your inability to relax so he doesn’t feel it’s his fault.  Once you discuss it I think you will be able to relax more.  Try different ways.  Make sure he knows where your clitoris is.  Tell him when it feels good and don’t rush.  If he’s a good guy he will understand and be patient.  You could also go to the library and check out some books on sex and lovemaking.  Let me know how it goes.  I care.

Sincerely,

Del

Dear Del,

I haven’t been “in the mood” for like a month now and I don’t know what’s wrong what should I do?

Dear Tami,

You don’t tell me your age or if you have any physical problems.  Having said that, often women and girls don’t feel in the mood because of changes in their bodies or changes and/or problems in their personal lives.  It could also be a psychological problem.  It also could be that there is no one in your life that puts you in the mood.  There has to be a physical attraction for anyone to be in the mood.  I would suggest you see a gynecologist to see if it’s anything physical and see a psychologist to see if  it could be something psychological.  Somtimes it could be a sign of depression.

Sincerely,

Del 

Dear Del,

So I’ve been dating this guy for about a year and we’re planning to get married soon we are very happy and in love. I really do love him but when we have sex. I don’t feel anything, he’s very big but im to embress to tell him anything because I don’t want to hurt his feelings because we both aren’t really that experienced on having sex. Other then that he seems to enjoy it but I feel like im his plastice doll. I’ve never really felt pleasure when we make love. Is it becuase we are both very young? Im not to sure what to do. How can I enjoy it with him insted of letting him enjoy it himself?

Dear Amy,

The most important thing in any relationship is COMMUNICATION!!!  You must find the courage to talk with him about this but not when you are actually having sex.  It’s surprising that you say he’s very big (I assume you mean down there) and yet you don’t feel anything.  It is not because you are both very young.  First I would go to a gynecologist, tell her (I recommend a female) what you told me and see if you can rule out that something is causing you a problem in not feeling anything during intercourse.  If it is not you, then you have to talk with him.  If you truly love each other, you will work it out, but you MUST TALK!!!  Let me know what happens.  I care.

Sincerely,

Del

Dear Del,

I was with my boyfriend for an year. We bought worked on a ships and travel a lot. We were going on a partyes all the time and having a lot of drinks.But now we settle down and get maried(for 4 mounts). On the ship our sex.life was good,but i always wanted to least longer.Now he has premature ejaculation problem. Our sex. intercourse is not longer than 2minutes. Somethimes when he has a few drinks is a little longer, but not longer than 10min. He tryed some exercises and deep breathing but is not getting any better. I told him that we need a professional help, but he dosn’t want to get one. I’m 25years old and he is 28. Please tell me what to do. I really want our marriage to work out. I’m patient, full with love and understanding, but i have my ouwn needs too. Thank’s so much!

Dear Kristina,

Well, on or off the ship the sex didn’t last long enough for you and now it lasts even less.  A lot of men have  this premature ejaculation problem.  I’m not a sex therapist but I happen to know that there are certain ways to prevent a man from this.  First I would talk with him and tell him it’s important to you if he lasts longer because you enjoy sex with him so much (feed his ego).  Then even if that works (it takes will power on his part) go to the library or a book store if you have the money, and look under the category of sex education and I think you will learn how to make him last longer.  Good Luck!

Sincerely,

Del

Dear Del,

I have been dating a girl for about a month now.  We have such a great time together, we love to do all the same things…there’s just one problem.  The sex is so boring!  I thought it was going to be amazing, but the first time was really bad.  I figured it would get better, but it hasn’t at all.  I’ve tried to mix things up and try a few new positions, but she’s not really into it.  I don’t think I can go on if it stays like this.  How can I get her to open up a bit?

Mike

Dear Mike,

A month is not very long to get to know any woman!  It takes time and patience to bring out her intimacy.  She may be shy or not very experienced.  You didn’t mention her age.  I would suggest that you find a good time to talk with her about how she feels about lovemaking in general and how she feels about lovemaking with you.  Tell her she can be honest if she has any objections to what you do in bed and be prepared to hear those objections, if any.  Maybe something in her background or past experiences have affected her in a bad way.  Be romantic and convince her that all you want to do is to understand her and make her happy.  Good luck and let me know how it goes.

Sincerely,

Del