Dear Del,

I have been married for 19 years and it’s been pretty great. My husband is a great guy. But 3 years ago we allowed my 19 year old god daughter move in with us. I love her very much but find myself playing 2 fiddle to her for my husbands attention. I don’t want to believe that there is anything sexual between them, but I just can’t take the jealousy I feel much longer. I have talked with my husband who thinks I’m making something out of nothing. Are these just crazy feelings or is my in securities normal?

Dear Jessie,

Well, if you truly feel that your jealousy is warranted, talk to your husband again and tell him exactly why you feel the way you do and give him examples.  Don’t let him continue to say you’re making something out of nothing.  If he loves you he will respect your feelings and discuss this issue and the way it makes you feel.  You don’t give your ages but I’m assuming you are both in your forties or fifties and when a man gets this age and is confronted with an attractive 19 year old girl, it perhaps reminds him of his youth and he gets carried away.  It is also possible that it is your insecurity but it seems to me that you know when someone is stealing your husband’s attention away from you.  She is new and you have been with him for 19 years!  Maybe it will pass but you must have an honest conversation with your husband.  If things don’t change I would recommend that she not live with you anymore.

Sincerely,

Del

Dear Del,

why is it when i talk to a guy i don’t really know what to say or do

Dear Veronica,

You don’t say how old you are so all I can say is that if you are young, say between 16 and 21, you are probably too shy and insecure and maybe also too inexperienced to know how to make small talk, especially if you talk to a guy you are attracted to.  Many people both male and female of all ages get tongue-tied when talking (or not talking) to a person they are attracted to.  Don’t worry about it, just talk about them or just be a good listener.  You might also want to watch the news regularly and see if the library has any books that might help you think of things to talk about.

Sincerely,

Del

Dear Del,

My boyfriend of 8 months was divorced last August. He gets defensive when I bring up his ex and tells me I can’t get over the fact that he is divorced and I can’t get over his ex. My issue is I feel he still has some connection to her although he tells me how in love he is with me, I just can’t get past the feeling he’s not over that relationship. Why else would he get defensive and angry with me when I bring something up. My insecurities about this are affecting our relationship. What should I do? Is this normal for divorcees to be this way?

Dear Mel,

Why in the world would you bring up his ex???  You’d better get over that “FEELING” that he still has some connection with her or you will lose him.  Stop bringing her up.  That’s why he gets angry, because you keep doing it.  You should be more secure because he tells you he loves you.  Your insecuries will lose your boyfriend.  Let it go!

Sincerely,

Del