Dear Del,
I’m a 43-year-old lady married for over 20 years to a husband who is wonderful to me and a great father to our 3 children. Along the way I fell in love with another man. I never had an affair but my husband chose to let me have a relationship with the other person (who is single). He knows the other person makes me very happy and that I truly love them both. They know each other and like each other. My boyfriend is supportive of my marriage and family and does not expect me to leave them… he is older than me, never married, and enjoys our companionship and is fine with sharing. It has been this way for a couple years. My husband tolerates this and says he is okay as long as he knows I am staying with him and with our family. He says overall he is very happy with our marriage. Both treat me wonderfully but sometimes I wonder if I am a bad wife. I do my very best to put my family first and I follow my husband’s rules for me… I am allowed to go out a few hours a couple times a week and my husband always knows where I am and when I am coming back. I also am very discreet and have kept this a secret to our friends and family. I love being loved and cared for by both of them and I love them both with all of my heart and I never wanted to choose. Does this make me a bad wife or should I just count myself as extraordinarily lucky?
Dear Spoiled,
I’m not sure whether to say you are extraordinarily lucky or may be in for a fall because of burning the candle at both ends. I wonder why you entered into this extra-marital relationship when you say you have a wonderful marriage. I suspect that your lover is giving you something your husband isn’t. If it is sex and it’s all right with your husband (probably because he can’t satisfy you in that department) then I guess I wouldn’t call you a bad wife - but beware, because if it is sex, one day your husband may begin to regret your arrangement and all Hell could break loose! I think a lot of women would love to have what you have but how would you feel if the situation was reversed and your husband wanted to have the same freedom with another woman?
Sincerely,
Del