Dear Del,

Me and my boyfriend have been together almost 13 yrs. About 2 months ago we discussed having a threesome. Well it happened with my best friend. It was basically like we put a show on for him and he was totally fine with it. But after it was all said and done he now has this big problem with it and constantly picks fights with me saying i cheated on him. But my arguement is no i didnt because we talked about and he ok’d it. So now he is just so insecure well always has been and he totally stalks every move i make. I feel like hes my boss not my man. He wont allow me to go hangout with my friend, because he said we dont need to be alone and he doesnt know what im doing. And if i do go i cant have fun because he is constantly calling me and wanting to hold me on the phone just to be an asshole. I really do love him but i dont know how much more i can take. He doesnt let anything go and i feel he doesnt allow me to be me. What can i do to assure him im not leaving him and get him off my back and to respect me as a person, because he doesnt. Please help i dont know what to do.What is ur advise?

Dear Jenn,

It always amazes me that people love and stay with people who are immature, jealous and just plain assholes. 
But having said that, my advice to you is to tell him how you feel and if he doesn’t get off your back and start behaving like a grown up, the relationship will be over.  He’s the one that wanted it but he couldn’t handle it.  Like the saying goes, “be careful what you wish for because you may get it”!  He is definitely very insecure and especially because who he is jealous of is another woman!  Let know what happens.  I care.

Sincerely,

Del

Dear Del,

hi del,
well, i know that my best friend is in a one sided swinging relationship. she can see all the women she wants but he can’t have anyone else. he’s very heterosexual, so being bi doesn’t work for him. well, about a year back he and i started flirting and built into an affair. Now, some of the old attractions i’ve had with my best friend are coming back and i’m starting to wonder about a three some. i brought up the subject to a very removed friend and he was worried that i might end up as a sex toy. but a couple concerns i have is that seeing her have sex with him would create a recentment from me since i like to see him as mine during my intimate time. Also, i’m kinda worried that she might relize that he and i have already been having sex if there was a threesome. so, i guess i have a series of questions…
1. is it fair/ ok/ healthy/ likely to succed if their relationship stays the way it is of her swinging and him monogomus?
2. Is it likely or possible that his motive is to make me into a sex toy?
3. Should i even be considering a threesome, given the circumstances above and that i haven’t reveiled my feelings to her?
4. Is what i’m doing malishious?
5. are you considering a page for mistresses and affairs?

Dear Julia,

1.  Probably somewhere down the line he may resent her swinging.  If he is monogomus by his own choice that is ok but he may eventually be jealous.  It is best if both of them are swinging and not jealous.

2.  Maybe, but do you really care?  Just do what you want.

3.  Honesty is always the best policy.  Be open and talk with them.

4.  I am not here to judge anyone and as long as you are adults and don’t hurt anyone, it’s your business.

5.  As it states on my home page, I am here to give love and sex advice which would include mistresses and affairs.

Sincerely,

Del

Dear Del,

w are 39f 46m couple and I (him) wanted to expereince the swinging lifestyle, my waife agrees but she is a little worry , how can i comfort her and make her go for it, Thanks

Dear Egycpl,

Well, if she agrees that is more than half the battle!  Just tell her that nothing will be expected of her and she doesn’t have to do anything if that is her choice.  No pressure!  Most swing houses operate that way.  She may just start out watching or some guy that she finds attractive may come on to her and away with him she may go!  Just be sure before you guys go to a swing party, that there will be no jealousy.  Swinging is a lifestyle for couples who agree to and can handle their partners having sex with other partners.  Good Luck and let me know what happens.

Sincerely,

Del

Dear Del,

Im in love with a man who has to have many lovers … he has proven his love for me but continues to have affairs how do i convince him that i can be all he needs

Dear Miriam,

There is really no way to convince him unless he tells you a way.  You cannot change a person’s nature unless he wants to change.  If you cannot accept him the way he is then you must leave him.  Even if you threaten to leave unless he promises to change, he probably won’t and will have his other lovers in secret.  Obviously this man needs other lovers because he is either insecure in his manhood or will always want variety, or both.  Maybe you should consider a “swinging” lifestyle which would enable both of you to have other lovers but in an open relationship.  Many couples select this lifestyle but you cannot if either of you would be jealous when you are with other lovers.

Sincerely,

Del