Dear Del,
I feel so silly asking this at my age. I’m single, 49, I met a man on a singles website. We went out a few times and then he told me he wanted to just be a “friendS with benefit” because he is a single father raising three teens on his own, works at a low paying factory job but manages fairly well, the kids are in all these sports and takes most of his time. He says he doesn’t have the time to cultivate a relationship at this time in his life. I was so hurt because we had so much in common, and really connected. I told him I wanted a relationship, somehow, we ended up seeing each other anyway and sleeping together, only once a week because that is when the kids where at their mom’s. We quit seeing each other after I said I felt used because I understood not seeing him only once a week but it would be nice to get e-mails or calls. He said he was too busy at the time and that he didn’t want to lead me on so it was better we didn’t see each other anymore. I let it go for a few weeks, e-mailed him to say hi, well, long story short, we are seeing each other again, only once a week, only for sex and conversation. I told him I would only have sex with him but I was going to date other men and if I found one I wanted a relationship with, I would end our “friendship”. Problem is I don’t want to date anyone else, part of me thinks that if I wait long enough things will change but I don’t know if I believe that. He has e-mailed me four times this week, I answered each one but with short answers. I guess I’m trying to see if I can get him to want me. Am I wasting my time?
Dear Diane,
No, I don’t think you’re wasting your time and I’ll tell you why. His reasons for not wanting or finding time for a relationship are good ones and he was honest enough with you to be willing to let you go if that wasn’t enough for you. Since you are free to date others, even if you don’t want to, you should if only to keep from getting more attached to him. Keep seeing him once a week and give him great sex as the way to a man’s heart is through his penis! Eventually and hopefully, he will want to see you more. Let it come from him. Don’t bug him about anything and let him know you are seeing others. After all, it is nice to have your cake and eat it too! And you may find someone better who does have the time to see you more and have a real relationship. Good Luck.
Sincerely,
Del