Dear Del,
I’m a man 50 years old; I have got married since 20 years ago. before one year my sexual relation with my wife was normal; but now I have a big problem, it is abbreviated by: I don’t have a Sexual Desire or Erection; unless:
1- To imagine, myself, I am not her husband but I’m one of her freinds is fucking her so in this case I feel a full of Sexual Desire and Erection.
2- To watch someone is sniffing her underwear (pants).
3- Or by taking pictures for her naked body and show them in gallary of pictures via internet and count the views who see her body.
I know it is wrong do I need your help.
Sencerely
Fawzi Ahdab

Dear Fawzi,

Having fantasies is natural for both men and women.  The first two are all right to THINK about if that turns you on, but the third one is definitely NOT RIGHT as this would expose her to everyone!  If  the first two work for you then your problem is solved but be sure you NEVER tell her what you are thinking.  If you still need the last one, do NOT do that but seek the advice of a professional sex counselor.

Sincerely,

Del

Dear Del,

I am a married man. About 2 years a go I meet this woman at work and it was not long and we were having an affair. We feel in love and are in love to this day. The problems comes because she is in a relationship to that is very abusive he has locked her in the basement chucked her calls her names all the time he threw her off the boat and onto the duck brusing her legs about 6 inchs round. I am currently seperated from my wife. I have tried talking to this woman but it has done no good. She tells me that if she leaves he will find her and possible kill her or drage her back to the house he has also threatened my life. I neeed some advice on how to handle this sitution can you help. I am very worried about her. She says she loves but is affaired of what he will do if she was to leave. Can u help me

Dear James,

She has to leave and get a restraining order against him, and you should too.  Ask the police what other options you may have.

Sincerely,

Del

Dear Del,

About 6 months ago I cheated on my wife. For whatever reason I went through a period of about a-month where I came out of my body and started acting in ways and doing things that just were not me and this was one of the results. It may have been a mid0life crisis but it doesn’t matter what I did was wrong and I know it.

Less than a week after this occurred I told my wife about it and since then things have been a real struggle. We are in marriage counciling and even thinking about extensive councling. My wife says she wants to forgive me and move on but she just can’t seem to let this go.

Every now and then (About once a week) she has a major melt-down where she becomes someone I don’t even recognize swearing and tells me to leave, then she breaks down and crys and tells me to forget what she just did.

We have been married for 30 years and together for 37 years (We just renewed our vows) and both of us want our relationship to work.

To complicate things more I was with (2) women during that period of time. My wife only knows about the one, my question is should I tell her about the other? She is devistated already and telling her may push her over the edge.

What do you think?

Dear Lee,

First of all you never should have told her - that just relieves your conscience and upsets her terribly and she will never forget it even tho she forgives you.  She will probably never trust you again.  Most definitely DO NOT tell her any more about any other indescretioons!  I suggest you get professional help with your strange behavior.

Sincerely,

Del

Dear Del,

How can I save this relationship, does she want to break up, how can I get her to want to talk? I told my girlfriend I helped a friend move some boxes to her new place(but wasnt alone with her, as other co-workers were there)and neglected to say my friends name to my girlfriend. She called me out on it later and asked why I have a tendency to avioid telling her when I’m around this friend. Now I’ve never had any sexual contact with my female friend and rarely hang out anymore. I didnt realize I didnt say her name but was probed by my girlfriend about this move. I ended up saying her name and didnt think it was a big deal. My girlfriend then said she checked on things and said that I lied to her on another occasion when I didnt tell her I was going to this same female friends birthday party. I only told her that I was going to a combined birthday party with two co-workers. After a long conversation by only texting, I am confused and my girlfriend hasnt talked to me in almost 3 days. I realize that I betrayed her by not being honest up front but she still wont talk to me and has said some nasty things vial text. I guess I did play it off as not a big deal at first. My girlfriend also made the comment that I’ve probably slept with all of my close female friends, of which there are 2, and no, I have never slept with them, or even held there hand. I told her that it is hard to communicate via text and I wanted to talk to her on the phone, which she’s ignored. We’ve been dating for 10 months now and I dont want to lose her and still love her. It seems as if my girlfriend thinks about things to much, lets them stir around in her head, and ultimately makes it worse. How can I fix this?

I  think your girlfriend is very insecure and immature and jealous for no apparent reason other than you did not tell her that your “friend” was a girl.  She probably thought you didn’t mention it was a girl so you may be fooling around.  There can be no relationship without trust and certainly without in person communication to explain and reassure her.  Tell her that if she will talk with you, you promise to let her know if a friend is a male or female.  If she won’t even talk to you, write or text her what I just said.  If she still won’t talk or believe you, you are better off without such an insecure girl.

Sincerely,

Del

Hi Del
Thank you for your reply ( communication 9/19/09 i appreciate your reply, because i had not informed you on some of the things that had happened between us you could not comment,
Is it possable to talk with you by phone as i could convey to you as to a lot more of what happened between us, I love this lady vary much and just dont want to let go, and i would appreciate your in put,
sincerely Pete 702 494 7383

Dear Pete,

I’m sorry but I do not give advice on the phone.  If you will remind me (briefly) of your former question plus any new information, I’ll be glad to give you an answer/my opinion.

Sincerely.

Del

Dear Del,

Am I going to get marry to the love of my life.

Dear Audrey,

Sorry, but I am not a fortune teller!  If you now have the love of your life and if he asks you and you answer yes, then you are going to marry him!  If you haven’t met him yet, and when you do, if it’s mutual and he asks you, you will if you say yes.

Sincerely,

Del

Dear Del,

I’ve been talking to a guy online for about 10 months, (I’m in the US, he’s in Spain). He has always been very flirty and messages me every day. Within the last few months he has not been the same, (flirty and complimentary.) Just very “friendly”. And he says he is very busy at work so we can’t chat every day. I will be going to visit next month…why do you think he is acting strange? Should I ask? I don’t want to seem needy. Any insight about why he may be acting differently or just the obvious…he’s just not that into me anymore? He made it clesr he still wants me to come…

Dear Amanda,

I think Spain is a long way to go when you’ve never met this guy in person and he has changed the way he talks to you.  Either he is really very busy at work or is seeing someone over there.  If he still wants you to come it would seem that if he is seeing someone there it can’t be that serious and he still wants to see you.  I would talk with him and tell him exactly how you feel about his sudden change and see what he says.  If this is a moody guy or worse, I wouldn’t spend the money to go visit him.

Sincerely,

Del

Dear Del,

I am in a relationship with a younger guy. He has never been married but has had serious relationships. I have been married and have a son, who loves this guy. We have been together about 5 months, everything was great until about 2 weeks when he suddenly shut down. It was like a light switch. He started getting colder and would hardly return my calls if he took them at all. It went from “baby” to “maam”. I asked him about it and he just said he has walls. I emailed him and told him I was giving him space since he seemed to need it.  How much space and time do I give him. I honestly don’t have any idea what to do. I am 31 and he is 25. I was very wary of even dating him but he won me over, he said he was looking for a serious relationship. But now I am not so sure, what should I do?

M

Dear M,

For a guy to go from hot to cold without communicating why when you ask is unforgivable!  I would write him a letter or email him and tell him that to do this to you after being together five months really shows his lack of character and he can take all the space he wants because you wouldn’t dream of being with someone so lame!

Sincerely,

Del